Wednesday, January 29, 2014

maybe they forgot that i have feelings too

assalamualaikum everyone.
i'm sorry for not updating blog for a long time.
i should update last two weeks but not totally in mood so yeah.
for this post, i think this is the best time for me to post about this thing.
i've keep this thing to myself for a long time and i just can't-
i know i should be strong. but, i've been strong for too long.
so, i need to spill it. okay, not everything but something.
story begin.
do you know how it feels losing your bestfriend?
do you know how it feels losing the one you trust the most?
do you know how it feels losing the one who are always by your side through thin and thick?
do you know how it feels losing those people who always making jokes around you?
do you ever feel alone if you're without them?
some people tell me that i'm too sensitive even for the little thing.
but for this situation, idk i'm the one who is sensitive or what.
but what i feel nowadays is, people treat me like i have no feelings at all.
they do whatever they think good for them but they dont know how i'm the one who's in those situation.
they hurt my feelings a lot.
okay, i know i'm not talkative or what. but still, i'm a human. i have feelings.
i dont care if someone wants to advise me or what. but please, talk with manners.
there's no need to be backstabbers or what.
gah shit whatever. idk how to spill this kind of feeling.
i just feel like i'm nobody to anyone.
i feel like i lost everyone and everything in my life.
and yes, i feel like giving up to everything i do.
idk where should i stand. people always keep on judging me in everything i do.
for the bad and even for the good.
just to let you guys know. at least i show what myself actually is. 
at least i'm being myself. and i dont do hypocrite.
so, it's up to you guys. for the bad and for the good, i'll accept everything.
maybe because i'm not talkative or what, they treat me like i'm an invisble person.

last but not least, i dont ask much.
i just need someone who can advise and motivate me when i'm down.
i just need someone who can fit in my shoes and willing to walk with me.
or.. enough for entertaining me when i need some sense of humour.
just, respect me as a human being too. 
it's hard and kindda impossible for me to search for new bestfriend.
or in other words, idk which part i should fix but i could if i would.
i'm sorry guys for this emotional post. i just spill what i should because i've keep it for too long.
i'm not begging for any 'belas kasihan' from anyone. i spill because at least, i know the readers could feel what i feel. AT LEAST.
i hate to say this but i miss my bestfriend, friend and my old-self too :(

okay goodnight everyone. i'll be gone for everyone's good. goodbye.

throwback cause i miss.


Tuesday, December 31, 2013

it's 2014

happy new year guys.
i'm sorry, i can't say much tonight.
i'm totally not in mood. and i dont even know why.

i'm form 4 and it's upper form pfft.
*okay saje je ni*

just wanna say thanks to everyone who made my 2013.
through ups and downs.
i still going to appreciate you guys.
thanks you Allah, thankyou umi ayah siblings, friends, and you :)

big applause. thankyou. iloveyouguys to the moon and back :>


Thursday, December 26, 2013

special dedication for my loved ones :)

hello everyone.
i'm back. and yeah. i have nothing to write eventhough i have so much things in my mind.
just for today, i wanna tell you guys.
i'm missing a few people.
sounds like.... entahlah. but, yes, i miss them.
especially umi and ayah. idk hari ni aufa membuatkan wardahsyaurah rasa rindu kat umi and ayah.

hari ni je, aufa bnyk kali suruh ajak umi ayah skype. voice note kat whatsapp.
lagi bertambah rindu, umi and ayah post gmbr kat whatsapp and facebook!
rse macam... ya Allah, bestnyaaaaaa. i wish i was there too with them!!!
and sayu gile time umi skype tghari td cakap 'next year kite satu family datang istanbul okay'
hmm well, rezeki Allah bagi. hanya mampu doa je banyak2, amin! :>
i cant believe, i have only a week left until it's school.
seriously tak percaya. maybe i'm too enjoying myself this school holiday.

btw, i miss kakcik. dah masuk Sekolah Tinggi Islam As-Sofa (STIAS) dah nak seminggu.
tapi xcall pun cakap khabar. umi ayah pun risau kat istanbul tu haih.
well kakcik, be tough and may Allah bless you there.
fight for Allah, for umi ayah, for us and for yourself.
see, ade hikmah kan kenapa Allah tak bagi your 5A's with you?
well, i know you can do it. fighting okay!!!
belajar pandai pandai macam kaklang *cough* hahaha
tbh, i dont have any friend to talk to. sunyi sangat. bosan.
paling tak tahan, takkan nak 24/7 with my gadgets kan. but yeah, that's it.
keadaan memaksa buat macam tu. kene carik kawan untuk sembang hmm.

third, i miss kak meni. lepas kak meni balik rumah ytd, rasa lonely sangat. bertambah.

macam takde kawan. tak tahu nak buat apa. entahlah.
nak keluar hmm rsenye dah banyak sangat keluar. lgpun, prmpuan kan.
macam xsedap pulak kalau asyik nak keluar je. hmm.
even borak dgn aufa, nenek or atuk pun sekejap sekejap je.
nak borak apa pun tak tahu sbnrnye. hmm.
well kak meni, if you read this. i miss you so much!
missing our pillow talk, our chemistry thought eheh. tolong jangan jealous sbb chemistry kami sangat tinggi *cough*
and one another, i miss shopping with you uwuwuwuw. dgn kak meni lah semangat kite nak shopping hidup. ececehhh, saje nak kasi terharu lol.

emm, last dedication. for you.

okay em, tak perlu kot nak describe siapa you tu.
just that, hari ni macam ade gaduh dan salah faham sikit.
sedih. idk why but i'm sad bcoz we're fighting over small thingy.
rasa macam tak perlu gaduh and take it easy man!
but yeah, sensitif sungguh mu ni syaurah. bnde kecik pun dah emo semacam haih.
i'm sorry, i'm just trying to control myself.
i've leart many things from my past. so, i wanna behave myself for not repeating it again.
kalau tak, diri sndiri sakit hati.
and so, to you. i'm sorry. just sorry.
i hope we can fix back to what we used to be :>
baru berapa jam tak bercakap, i miss you already haih.
ini parah. dahlah minggu depan nak balik sekolah kan.
hmm, biaselah. kalau dah rapat dgn someone, bnde sekecil zahrah pun nak touching.
baru kene tinggal seminit dua, dah rindu. zzz zzzzz. okay stop it syaurah.
ni macam dah masuk alam jiwang bunga bungaan cough.
well, i've made some preparation to enter new life which is 'form 4'
yeah, i'm going to rock myself with this 2 years left in high school.
ni namanya tengah semangat nak kejar 11A+ untuk spm 2015 hehehe amin amin :)
hmm hmm, gtg guys. talk to you guys later.
sorry for this hambar post.
just wanna make some dedication to le person i miss the most today.
goodnight! :>

ps: qad, i bet you'll read this. i'm sorry, my post is not as interesting as yours. and yes, i do jealous if i read your blog. fluent english yeah. and i do admire you (more to your blog and how friendly you are) hehe. let's be friend mybe? uwuwuwuu :)